I used to cringe when people said "God is good!"
I could never understand how a God that lets wars and hate breakout could be good.
Recently, I had one of those 'ah-ha' moments where I uttered to God, "Oh man, you ARE good!"
When I say "God is good," I don't mean that God equates my painful situations as "good" or that a harmful world event is "good" because if God controls everything and He is good, then it must be good right?
There's been plenty in my life that hasn't been good.
When I say that God is good, I mean that He is clever!
He is clever because He thought of such an intelligent plan(better than I could have thought of alone)to get me from point A to B with a deep reverance and respect for the journey of life that is, undoubtedly, tough.
Even if it meant that I would feel pain for a duration of the realization, God is good because he knows and believes in my ability to learn the lesson accordingly and move forward.
Last week I posted a design that received over 100 likes and continues to rise. To some, that is still small and it is definitely not considered "viral" but to the little girl who has been fighting on her own behalf for years, it felt amazing to receive that recognition.
What was the beautiful and clever gift that I learned from this experience? The more that I reflect with God, the longer the list becomes.
This experience deepened my belief that what we really seek is not attention or to be impressive but to have true and meaningful connection.
The people who have been witnessing my journey for ages understood, on a deeper level, what that design meant to me.
The people who have taken the time to truly converse with me but maybe haven't even met me in person yet, on some level they understood that this design was a dark ride out of a tunnel of trauma for me.
God already gave me a man who shows me everyday how sacred my beauty, inside and out, is to him and to the world so I surely was not seeking validation of my outer beauty.
I'll take the compliments but what rings my bell at the end of the day are the people who saw God's light working through me and affirmed my ability to finally accept that I deserve to feel worthy of the gift God gave me. Some gifts come naturally but some gifts take time. Like a seed to a plant--eventually its' gifts are bountiful.
As I sat in my product photography room last night preparing for my spring line, I was taken back by witnessing my creations.
I just kept chuckling to myself thinking, 'If you would have told 18 year old me who was dropping out of her fashion classes that she would one day spark the gift that laid dormant within her & it would be through Christ, I would have called you crazy!
When I was young, I would tell people that I wanted to be a fashion designer when I grew up. I had no idea why that was my answer because it didn't make sense. My grandmother sewed but I didn't grow up around the fashion industry. I didnt even know how to sew. I just knew that it was the way my artistic nature wanted to experience and give my creativity away.
When I quit fashion school, I thought
"Maybe the little girl in me was wrong."
But now I know that I wasn't wrong but other people were making me feel wrong.
I told someone the other day that I wish my teachers would have seen that it wasn't that I was incompetant at sewing but that I was drowning in trauma.
I needed them to accommodate for that fact but God took me in another direction.
He saw that I had a love for children because the child in me wasn't receiving what she needed. So, he placed me in the role of being a classroom teacher.
It was a gift that unlike sewing came naturally to me. I was instantly recognized and praised for my ability to manage the social and emotional needs of children. During those years, however, I became immensely triggered by traumas I witnessed my students go through because I was suppressing my own.
Thus, God knew that I had a gift in social and emotional work with children and He led me to the industry of holistic healing which ultimately led me to the teacher I needed the most in my life;Christ.
Need I say more? I mean, I'm telling you--God is good! Sometimes I question "But why did I have to go through that?" God is okay with my questions as long as I'm willing to accept the answer as is.
As I sat in amazement last night, it's not so much that I was glamorizing the outer product but rather the inner. I wasn't idolizing my designs but instead, shocked and paralyzed by God's work through me. Like, "WE are really doing this, aren't we!?"
It's exciting and thrilling but also humbling. I keep reminding myself to breathe slowly and move at God's pace for I do not want to miss the process.
I know there's a lot to learn still. I know I'm not perfect but I'm willing to show up and take refuge in Christ even when I don't understand it all.
I'm grateful for the support systems that are currently being placed in my life.
I pray that God continues to work his good cleverness through anyone who may need a shift of direction in their life. I know that God is already behind the scenes on your behalf and I pray that instead of quitting, you will just take the rest that God is so gracefully giving you. In & with Jesus, always, amen.