Do you really want to know how Jesus won me over?
He came to me without fear or demands.
He met me outside of the church and did not expect me to go in.
He spoke to me when I was broke and did not try to hustle money out of me.
He did not try to convince me that he saves through Bible verses; He only suggested I read about His past to understand what people said about Him.
Sigh, I'm feeling this very heavily this morning and I want to tread lightly but this is a deep pool we've been swimming in for centuries. When will we hear The Holy Spirit's whipser over the loud, gnawing voice of man? Only in the silence.
Jesus did not show up at my doorstep with protests. He did not have to sic wolves on me for me to wake up to the realization of His truth.
He did not command me to end all of my current spiritual practices...He only asked that I examine them a little bit closer.
Religion and people gave me ultimatiums but Jesus gave me trust and discernment, as well as responsibility.
He asked me to question whether or not the practice was expansive enough to reach God.
I started to examine. If it only met my physical desires, then I decided that it wasn't expansive enough to reach God. That meant that I gave myself permission to let go of some practices I once preached.
I'm calling this season the "carnival season" because I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster with Jesus.
Yup. We on the "love me" rollercoaster.
He has taken me to the highs and the lows and we still have a lot more track left!
I've found that the highs have been experienced in places I never expected Jesus to take me such as a friend of a friend [that's now just becoming a friend!] thinking of me when she saw shadows of crosses and prayer beads she found on a hike.
I never expected Jesus to take me there because I kept hearing the loudness that is religion that really pushes Jesus in the Bible as His only voice. I was so used to living with Spirit through synchronicity before I was asked to explore the ferris wheel that is religious text. Jesus showed me I wasn't wrong before--I had always been listening to the Holy Spirit.
You know what I'm realizing? You can get off the ferris wheel anytime and learn to build a relationship with Jesus outside of a material form. If someone can tell me that a crystal is just a rock then I believe I have the right to say, a book is just a book.
I know. Wait, isn't this blog about her being transformed by Christ?
YES. It still is.
Even if it doesn't fit a version of what religion and society paint for us, Christ is indeed transforming me.
What I've been calculating is that the Bible is beautiful and truthful. I feel truthful events in the Bible but maybe not truthful man-made conclusions...
Perhaps that will change. Who is to say? Everything is a process & I believe if I'm misstepping that Jesus will show me and I will correct myself but only when the time is right and not to appease anyone.
I have a notion that appeasing groups is how we continuously seperate ourselves even though we think it's "pulling us together."
That notion is still being built and formed. I don't know for certain, but what I do know is that I don't think anyone knows either. It's a confusing time to be alive so I ought to think the best attitude to carry is a humbleness. I'm learning to pack a light sense of humor these days too.
I'm recognizing that it's time to stop being so hard on myself and others for getting the truth right or wrong. I wonder sometimes if we are all wrong. What a gift that would be, right? I know that sounds insensitive but remember--light humor!--if we were all wrong, at least we'd have a reason to unite for once.
With that being said, this morning's musings are coming to this end but as always, stay tuned for more. I really want to talk through my reflections on trauma and The Holy Spirit soon.
Additionally, remember this genre of writing is like a diary-therfore, don't sweat over it. I'm not trying to write a prescription for how to be transformed by Christ but rather sharing a personal journey that is capable of evolving with love.