Yesterday, God sent me a miracle that placed me back into present time!
In 2020, my phone automatically sped to 6 minutes ahead of time. To me, this was an unexplainable phenomenon. Since we were in the middle of a lock down with no where to go, it wasn't like I was traveling into different time zones and even if I was, the time in general would not have been 6 minutes ahead!
I was befuddled. Nevertheless, not suprised. Technology has a way of tweaking when I'm around.
I'm sure a geek squad member could have figured out pretty darn quickly what the issue was but alas, everything was locked down and I decided I'd surrender into this strange occurrence. I just had to remember "I'm 6 minutes ahead of everyone else!"
Turns out, I decided to surrender into it for two years! Even when I lived in Hawaii and switched time zones, I was still always 6 minutes ahead.
In general, living 6 minutes ahead had its perks. I was always exceptionally early.
Unfortunately, it started to mess with my texts because of the time stamps. The messages in a conversation would send out of order. Regardless of whether or not I received a message after I sent it, my phone would put their message above mine.
Basically, I had to scroll back up everytime to see their response. I have legitimately no idea how I lived like this for two years but the symbology of it all is hitting me this morning.
I had been anticipating the future too much that trying to keep up with the present became overwhelming.
I was "taped in" and highly sensitive to the psychic perceptions around me and I was constantly dreaming in future tense. I would see world events happen before they played out.
Nothing suprised me. I liked the power I felt of being in the "know" but I hated the less-powerful feeling of "just because you know it doesn't mean you can stop it, help it, or change it."
The truth is, I couldn't turn that psychic perception off if I tried. It's been with me since a young age but lately, I've been learning how to utilize this gift from another scope or angle.
When I was prominently following NA practices, this gift always felt jaded, a little rushed, and as if the foundation was weak. I became aware very quickly that people can use their spiritual gifts for the wrong reasons and it scared me into thinking someone always was using it against me.
Therefore, I was shocked to see spiritual gifts when I decided to read the Bible for the first time last year. God directed me to Corinthians right away to read about the gift of tongues and the gift of prophecy.
I've been coming to the realization that the process of loving someone in the present, as they are-imperfections and all--is more powerful than anticipating a future because you had a prophetic moment that brought you faith. Faith cannot move where there is no love moving.
Sometimes, we have to give that love to ourselves but not because it's trendy to wear and not as a cover-up for the parts of ourself that we actually do not like.
We have to come to the realization that even if we know our greatest potential, we cannot rush the messy parts.
Even if you know, "I'm better than this" if you have no love for the haunted parts of yourself, you are only half-alive.
You are both haunted and holy. [Creature: Half-Alive Lyric]
We have to know our potential on both spectrums.
In this self-love and healing culture, it's easy to jump on the trend of "bettering ourselves" and proving to the world that the child inside of us is not utterly broken still, let alone the world, but trends come and go and hear God when he says this...
Clothe Yourselves In Love.
Slow down so you do not have to catch up. Let people join you, rather than having them scattered throughout your text messaging screen. You don't have to know it all or have all of the answers and it's okay to feel lost.
There's so much suppression living among us that sometimes it feels like all four tires are going to blowout at once.
In the physical reality, I would never suggest letting the air in your tires slowly leak out but for metaphorical reasons, I feel like I need to say "Stop being in a rush to fill the tires back up and stay awhile."
There are so many possibilities for the future and I think that is what always put me into a panic. Free will is fun until choice becomes so paralyzing because now you know that it's all on you.
I've learned to give up a little of that free-will and consult God more. I've learned to ask for help or rather take it when it is given. I've learned that "doing it all on my own" means that I've rejected love somewhere from someone. I've lost their message and now I'm treading water back upstream to find their message again.
Slow down...be right where you are so that you can allow others to be right where they are.
Oh and I forgot to tell you, I let someone love me yesterday and fix my phone for me. I'm currently back in present time of 2022! 🥰