Self-published author Aliyah Jackson, Planting Gardens On The Moon
I was young when I experienced my first psychic premonition. My school friend and I were playing charades and for some reason, I decided to throw her a tough one. It seemed like the idea came out of left field and it was creepily specific. Are you ready for this one?
I started to act out Steve Irwin being bit by a sting ray and dieing Yeah, as you may assume, she didn't solve that one! The next day, however, I was mortified at myself. How did I know such a tragedy? Was it my fault? Did I cause this death because I visualized it?
I believe that I purposefully shut down my abilities after that and it wasn't until college that I experienced my next episode. Unfortunately, it was close to home. I had a premonition that my grandma would die four days before my sister's wedding. I didn't know what to do with that information and I thought I might be paranoid, so I ignored it. Sadly, it came true.
When I decided to learn and experience New Age spirituality, I began to understand psychic abilities better and opened up to the possibility that it could be a gift I possess. Though, I thought predicting death was a horrific gift to have, I began to understand that psychic abilities might be of assistance in other ways such as life guidance or medical advice.
I began reading Tarot cards and eventually dug even deeper into mediumship, working with the spirit baby realm, and using my abilities to help people determine where their source of pain was coming from.
Gradually, I started to feel very uncomfortable in the realm of predictions--especially as they pertained to other's lives. It became clear to me that there are many possibilities and I, as a human, was only able to tap into one possibility from my vantage point.
I believe this is why people say that they've been to many psychics that have all given different outcomes but somehow the visualizations are oddly connected. I don't think that psychic readings are all wrong, necessarily, but rather that at the end of the day, it's in God's will. That piece is important.
"Perhaps this is why many spiritual teachers warn against attempting to manipulate and control reality. Buddhist and Hindu teachers warn that when you begin meditation you may experience new psychic abilities and powers, yet they advise students to ignore them. Stories are told of those who use their new-found powers for their own gain, often straying from the path of enlightenment. Jesus Christ taught that the way to pray is to surrender one's will to the will of God. One prayer that reflects these teachings says, "I will do thy will."
From Mana Cards: The Power of Hawaiian Wisdom, 'Ano'Ano, By Catherine Kalama Becker & Doya Nardin
It's funny because I never knew that the quote above was in this deck until this morning. I hadn't pulled that card while in Hawaii & it just so happened to be the last card in the deck...
Now some of you may be wondering why I'm pulling from a card deck if I recently spoke on how I was giving up tarot cards. Is she being hypocritical and contradictory?
I'm being where God's will is placing me--somewhere in the middle. It's a place where few will go and many will try to escape [I have often]. The middle is not taking the easy way out. It's rough here.
It requires you to feel the extremes of all sides and spectrums & then decipher where there is an essence of sameness between and within all sides. It demands that you surrender to the will of God rather than the will of your human understanding. It asks you to genuinely listen to people like the love of God is stronger than your man-made belief. Dr r r
This doesn't mean that it doesn't seek human justice. It's constantly a space of justice seeking but I digress & will leave this for another blog post...
The point is this: I actually didn't even need that card to hear Jesus in Hawaii when he told me it was time to turn my psychic and healing powers into prayer.
In 2020, God made it very clear that I had crossed the line with my psychic abilities. A relationship in my life was "meant to" blossom into something very spiritually important and because I refused to be tuned into THIS reality, I couldn't understand why it hadn't manifested in this reality yet. It was showing up in dreams, both night and day, creeping into my songs and meditational journeys and I was certain we were meant to work together in this realm.
I could not, for the life of me, understand how something that felt so spiritually uplifting could be so dense in this world. How come this person recognizes me in my dreams but doesn't SEE me here on Earth?
What I did next was crossed the line between MY WILL and God's will. Instead of trusting God when he said "This person is still healing on a deep level. Please wait,it's important that you give them time"-- I thought, "Nah. Now is the time!"
Basically, I tried to force a situation to happen which completely backfired on me. I honestly believe that many people in the church are actually crossing the line more than most--trying to shove beliefs in other's faces doesn't work and in the cases that it does work, it's because the timing was right with God.
On the drive home from this situation, I actually was pulled over by a cop for "crossing the line." LOL. God was speaking loudly, ay?
At that point, I felt embarrassed and confused. I also felt insane. I needed to come back to Earth but I was so tempted and intrigued by a world where everything spiritually made sense.
I believe there are two sides to escapism. There's the human who tries to escape their soul by going through the motions or abusing alcohol, drugs & work. Then, there's the human who wants an evacuation from Earth and not an incarnation. Often times they are constantly consumed by meditation, psychedelics, and/or living in altered state of being.
Suprise, suprise--I have felt both extremes. I think that's okay too. How would I understand the balance if I never felt the extreme of both sides? It's all a process.
What I'm gathering about escaping God's will, however, is similar to the feeling I had when I read Aliyah's poem. "I have this healing energy that can restore everyone but me."
Back in 2020, I probably would have read this poem and thought, "That's so true. I need to do a tuning fork treatment on myself tonight!" You know, give some of that healing to myself? While that could also be true still...what I realize now is this:
Just because you have all of this healing energy doesn't mean you're supposed to manipulate it for others or yourself.
It's like burning a candle stick at both ends. Eventually, it's going drain you trying to beat God to the finish line.
I think the problem is that we think God should be performing magical miracles like He was in the Bible all of the time. I believe we have to understand that we only heard about certain stories in the Bible. There were a lot more people on planet Earth than Moses, Noah, Sarah, Peter, Paul and so on. The writer of the Bible used His best judgment and trusted us enough to also use our own. 😉
We also have to read with discernment between time. If we look at the story of Sarah asking God for a baby, it did not happen at first the way she wanted it to but then it happened "miraculously."
I believe this is because Sarah got out of God's way, you know? Was it really a "miracle" that she got pregnant at 90 or was that just the way it was supposed to happen? Maybe having babies at 90 is perfectly normal but we just force our will onto Gods! I ask questions like these directly to God & who knows if I'll get an answer but at least I'm not staying silent to my curiosity. It's okay to be curious and still have no answer.
Nevertheless, this is not to say that someone is right or wrong here. I believe when you're in the middle, you start to realize that it's all circumstantial & God wants us to be okay with his decisions for other people & for ourselves. Lately, that's what trust is looking like for me--staying in my center so God can move with his through us. God does not want to be in a race with me anymore.❤️
P.S. I'm suprised my face doesn't ever get frozen in time like this! This is my face constantly when I'm talking to God. 😅 "Excuse me, what??"